I met a guy, he's my Mr.wonderful. Fills my sorrows, with laughter. Makes my heart, pump faster. Giving me reason to rise, someone to think of. He's my Mr.wonderful, his touch smooths my soul. When our lips kiss, his kiss i may not dismiss, this may be bliss.
I havent felt this in so long. Maybe Ive never felt it.
These days I feel like I have to constantly slap myself in the face. To push forward, time passes quick, my idea of forming a rewild club totally faded away, just like summer. The warm weather is gone, its going to be a cold winter. I need to keep studying wild plants so when Spring returns I can totally be a asset to a short term goal.
I need to get a job, start making money.... I hate money, I hate it so much.... I dont hate it cause its hard to make I hate it because im a slave to it.. fuck!!!
I had a old boss, back when I did door to door marketing, he would always ask me: "Does the money control you? Or do you control the money?" I remeber always trying to explain to him... that me being in control of making my own money didnt mean I wasnt a slave. He would always laugh about that. He said he would rather think he was in control of it...
I remeber days drowning myself out...of blazing fat blunts and bongs, partying all night, waking up late, working 12-8. It was a time of bad habits. I never partied much, I never really liked drinking, but it was like over night I became a heavy drinker... Money made me numb.
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe, this emptiness that I long endure for what? The causation is not palpable, the pain indescribable. I suffer not for salvation, or pursuit of utopia. I suffer from lack of love, empathy, & compassion.
It seems, all I have left are these pictures. A great link to refresh my repressed memories and thoughts. To laugh at simpler things, like my brothers big ears and my youngest brother's light hair. A previous period where I rocked bangs. Thought of my brother, Michael as my twin. This picture reminds me of something monumental to my brothers and I... Are only family vacation.. a trip to Disney World and Universal Studios.. I think I was five. It overwhelms me to once again look through these images.. after years of hiding away in a dusty old box in storage. My home is not cluttered with crowded walls displaying images of better times, instead they are bare.. possessing a few scattered picture frames of much later years.. Disturbingly still absent of new memories. Strange It all makes me feel empty..I can't help but disconnect.. I realize.. this is a tradition of my culture to dwell on the past. To take pictures in order to preserve some moment and later reflect on it. Like a mystic mirror, the pictures speak back to us. Reveal a story. Make us rediscover long forgotten passions and scars.
Going insane, Battling demons. Fighting friends, Family to be feeling, the change. withdrawing from false wishes, abandoning a mind set that's vicious. cut old ropes, lay back on the dope, to encourage a strength beyond hope.
Searching for wisdom inside me, But I'm feeling broken. Trying to keep my heart open. But its closing. The souls surrounding, Crowding thick like smog. Choking my lungs. Shits so empty, People need more empathy, Gotta stay agape to actuality.
I'm not producing lines without sensation I'm overtaking agents of communication pushing awareness to be embracing a new standard of existence not centralized to dull, sharp souls or make man to machine but to embrace mother earth's entire being I wanna real community full of loving unconditionally tired of this produced, scripted fallacy defining what makes man happy were struggling to live the lie suicide rate has climbed so high desperation be fueling this fire consumerism isn't savin souls sugar coating every delusion so your buying
we still digging holes lets break this mold the time is now to make shit better people be facing nasty weather getting high on drugs over the counter prescriptions prisons packed everyone's a victim increase in domestic violence school shooters murdering families growth in poverty while the rich be distracting with the lottery
convenience be polluting streets infecting the weak power struggles make it difficult to eat doesnt stop love hungry teens constantly crowding up local tanning booths packing fast food driver thru's overdosing on pills, drinking whiskey just to chill shits sad, tryin to boost understanding but they calling me mad. im far be on that.
we can make a difference don't need immunity to be revealing what were facing this system were following be fooling ever soul has price to be sellin urging us to go green while still enslaving our consciousness makes us all wanna get high im struggling to live, some waiting to die encouraging us to get laid, so Trojan can get paid. so much more fuckin not enough lovin. industrial civ, killin our souls, promoting ego to grow selfish cats, bullshiting about the past tellin me to get off my ass, cant comprehend what im asking. everyone participant in action. cant do it alone, so hop on phones spread awareness from coast to coast